Sunday, October 25, 2020

Don't @ Me

 I voted on Friday. I knew who I would vote for in this election on November 9, 2016. That answer was anything, anyone other than that orange abomination of humanity. I knew he was a narcissist, I knew he was a bigot, a misogynist, a racist, and a bully. I knew he was corrupt, greedy, vengeful, and stupid. I knew this was going to be a disaster and that he was going to hurt a lot of people. I didn't imagine what a disaster it would be. 

I forgave my friends/family that voted for him in 2016. I figured it was rooted in some sort of ignorance or an inability to see that the election was bigger than politics. At least I hoped it was ignorance. I am getting a sense that it was more. So, I must say this. If you vote for him again, after all of this, I no longer want you in my life. Let's see if I can explain why and do so succinctly because I honestly don't think you deserve an explanation. However, given I cared for and loved you, I want to try.

I can think of only three reasons that someone could vote for him again:

1. Extreme Ignorance

2. Selfishness and Privilege

3. You are a Monster

Point 1 - I don't know if I really buy this. If you are ignorant as to what is going on in the country right now, you literally must have been living under a rock. Anyone who tries to claim ignorance more likely falls into the second bucket.

Point 2 - I think most of you probably fall here. You will vote for him because this election will literally have no effect on you or your personal life, and you are willing to vote for him because of Supreme Court Justices or Abortion (despite the fact I'd be willing to bet he's supported a few abortions in his lifetime) or Tax Cuts or WHATEVER. Good for you. Nice that you have such privilege that you feel like you can make decisions based on politics when so many people have gotten killed and hurt because of this man.

  • 230,000+ Americans are dead because of his mismanagement of COVID-19. Many of them did not get to see their loved ones and were not able to hold proper funerals. Many more continue to put their lives at risk to prevent further death. Their lives matter. 
  • Nothing has been done about the bounties placed on the heads of US Soliders by Russia. In fact the President openly disdains those who have chosen to serve their country. Their lives and their sacrifices matter.
  • My black male friends have told me about wearing bowties or glasses in order to appear less threatening to police because they fear for their lives; they fear the knee of the law on their necks as they beg for their lives while this administration can't even bring forth the WORDS to condemn white supremacy. Their lives matter. Their livelihoods matter as they continue to experience the disproportionate negative outcomes of the abomination of slavery by a society built on a racist foundation - including in education, housing, healthcare, wealth, voting, criminal justice, etc.
  • My LGBTQ friends who just want to be who they are and love who they love. Their love matters and their lives matter. 
  • The 500+ children that have been ripped from their parents and put into cages, who have essentially become orphans under US Care. The many others who have died in these cages due to lack of adequate medical care. Their lives matter and their families matter.
  • The peaceful demonstrators trying to stand up and fight for humanity and against injustice being tear gassed, being thrown into unmarked cars and kidnapped, being shot and killed while TERRORIST organizations such as white supremacist extremest (WSE) groups go unchecked by this administration. Their lives and their voices matter.
I could go on and on and on, but again, I'm not trying to convince you. The last thing I will touch on here is abortion, and if you are so myopic as to make this your sole issue, that's on you. Don't vote for Joe Biden, then. If a vote for Joe Biden means a vote for abortion, then I would counter that a vote for that orange maniac is a vote for racism, xenophobia, sexism, vitriol, and hatred. Also, I would like to add that you are not pro-life. You are pro-birth, because what is life if you don't care for it once it exits the womb? In this country, where we have the largest gap between the wealthy and the poor, where we can't care for our sick, or open our borders to those who suffer and need refuge, or love other human beings, where we are literally burning the planet down because of greed and self-interest? What kind of life is that?

Point 3 - I really don't want to think any of you fall here. I don't. I really just hope you have unchecked privilege or you are really that stupid. However, I can not dismiss this possibility. He has brought out the worst in us and fueled the worst in us. Maybe he is just giving you permission to be your true self, and that really you are a much more terrible person than you were willing to admit in public. You are a hypocrite, and I don't need that hate in my life.

Again, I am not telling you who to vote for. I am giving myself permission to remove the people from my life that are so full of hate or so selfish that they may be acting as a poison to my worldview of what is most fair, what is most right, and what is most compassionate for my fellow human beings. I wish you the best in life; I just can't have you in mine. 

Friday, February 17, 2017

Finding Gold in the Dumpster Fire



I’m usurping my friends’ term for the current administration, “Dumpster Fire” because it is too perfect, and I am too lazy to come up with another term. We are going on a month of this presidency, and instead of feeling enraged and terrified, I am now feeling enraged but cautiously optimistic that our orange president, surrounded by extreme incompetence and infighting, whose inflated view of himself is contrasted with his utter lack of knowledge, will be unable to do anything of any real harm to this country. Not that I am going to stop fighting, I am just going to view the Cheeto more as an idiot and less of an actual threat to our country. He’s nothing more than a distraction.

That being said, I wanted to write a blog about the small things in life. I think it will be extremely important to find and notice these things on a daily basis as I expect my anxiety will need to be kept in check through the following, but almost certain events: another few months or so of spitting tantrums and tweets from 45 before the dark state gets sick of playing with him and just leaks whatever intelligence needed to get him out of the way; followed by a few years of a vapid ideologue who thinks Christianity is more about putting cages around women’s lady parts and policing what happens beneath our sheets than it is about, I don’t know, anything Christ actually talked about; this period being accompanied by (hopefully) rural white America WAKING THE EFF UP and realizing that Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell DON’T GIVE AN EFF about them as they strip away all their healthcare and benefits to provide tax cuts to the superrich and allow them to rape our planet; at the same time (again, hopefully) Democrats will stop bumbling around, knocking each other over, and realize that they are the true party of the people, and they need to leave Wall Street to the Republicans; a whole campaign season in which we, again, get to hear a bunch of sexist assholes dance around the fact that really they just don’t want a vagina in the Oval Office; until Elizabeth Warren is elected president. PHEW! That’s a lot of anxiety. Here’s my list of little things.

1.    Furious Spoon, Furious Ramen – This stuff is so good, that it made my whole WEEK great this week just knowing I was going to have it on Thursday. It’s my new go-to comfort food.

2.    Macaroni and cheese – My old go-to comfort food. If you’re going store bought, Kraft is a MUST. Cough up the 30 extra pennies, cheapo. There is no substitute. Any homemade kind is also good because it will have more love. I have many recipes. Cheese is the best.

3.    NPR – Thank you, NPR. You allow me to stay hyper-informed without actually having to look at a rabid Cheeto, waving his tiny little hands around. WBEZ, you deserve every penny I send.

4.    Podcasts – I’ve subscribed to so many that I’m having a hard time keeping up (many courtesy of NPR, so double shout-out to them). Thank you for expanding my mind.

5.    The little things my boyfriend does. Stress LITTLE. Like buying me chicken soup when I was sick. The little things are important.

6.    Lampe Berger – My current scent is Winterwood. I live in a barn. Two of my animals poop in my house, the other two can’t wash themselves. Lampe Berger means that my barn doesn’t have to smell like one.

7.    Books – I will NEVER give in to iBooks. I LOVE being around books. I love libraries. I love Barnes & Noble. Starting a new book is just the best. The BEST.

8.    Burt’s Bees Chapstick – I have tubes sprinkled around my house and in my purse.

9.    Sophie – My dog is the very best thing in the world. See previous post. My latest favorite things about Soph – 1)Her bottom lip sticks out a little; 2)I like to fluff up her head so her fur is in disarray; 3)I grade her back-leg kicks after she poops. This morning – she half-assed it into a stretch, 5/10.

10. Speaking of dogs, We Rate Dogs on Twitter is my new favorite. It’s like one enraging Tweet after another – Cheeto does this, Cheeto does that, Cheeto chastises the press, Cheeto’s Winter White House – THEN, I see something like this:

Thank you for keeping me sane.

11. Naps – We should be allowed nap breaks at work. Naps are the best. I’m about ready to take one after this.

12. Game of Thrones – Peter Dinklage, you are my favorite.

13. Pentel RSVP Pens in Fine & Sharpies – I don’t know why, they just make me happy. I will accept no substitutes.

14. KnitPicks.com – Haven’t you heard, kids? Knitting and crocheting are cool. Whatever, I’m old and lame. I love this website, though. Great products, great ideas.

15. All of the amazing women in my life – Mom, Beav, Renee, Della, Angie, Jan, Grams, Laurie, Teresa, Tam, Charity, Dani, Kristen, Juveria, Jessica, Mona, Sandra, Kristin, Alex, Katharine, Makaylah, Jennifer, Jenny, Sarah, Lindsey, Rachel, Barb, Jessica, Holly, Ashlea, Ashley, Audrey, Varsha, Liz, Maggie, Mary, Pam, Emily – I’m rattling these off, no particular order – You guys are all awesome.

16. Chicago – I love this city, and I’m so glad to be home. Yes, still. Even in February.

17. Laughter – So important. Thank you, Bill Maher, John Oliver, Samantha Bee, Alec Baldwin, Melissa McCarthy (recently), the whole cast of SNL (special shout out to Kate McKinnon and her terrifying portrayal of Kellyanne Conway), Conan O’Brien, Andy Richter, so many others. You are true artists. Keep giving it to him.

18. Trevor Noah – This is a new one, special call out from 17. It’s taken me quite a while to get over Jon Stewart leaving, but I have really come around. Trevor Noah gives such a fresh-faced view on things. He’s like a kid brother. I want to hug him.

19. SmartPop White Cheddar Popcorn – Best. Snack. Ever.

20. Did I mention naps? Yes, and now it is time for one.

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Saturday, November 12, 2016

My Discontent

I have kept myself pretty insulated since the election. I couldn’t watch Hillary’s concession speech, I could barely read the transcript from Obama’s post-election speech, and of course I avoided anything about that man. I was able to get on Twitter for an hour or so the other day and retweet the Onion or Ricky Gervais or anything that approximated what I was maybe feeling except that I refused to actually feel. Yesterday night, I finally broke down and cried. I watched Sam Bee’s pre and post-election specials and I cried. I feel sad, and anxious, and shocked. However, after also watching Keith Olbermann’s latest bit on GQ and after seeing the media, who I hold almost entirely responsible for providing this man with anything approaching legitimacy, trying to now normalize this event, wrap it with a bow, and still make a case for the decency of the American people, the feeling I most felt was anger. Good. Anger. I can work with that and make it productive.

There are so many facets to the results of this election, that I feel like the best way now to organize my head, vent, and to figure out what to do next was to mind-dump everything here. I haven’t decided if I am going to publish this on my blog. My first inclination was to keep this personal to keep it more honest, but now I am leaning towards publishing it because I no longer feel the need to censor myself, and I no longer care what anyone thinks about what I have to say. If I am feeling this way, it is valid.

Electoral College – I’m talking about this first because it is the easiest. The people did not elect that man, the system elected that man. Yes, it’s a technicality. Yes, it’s a minor point out of the others I am going to make, but now that Paul punch-face Ryan is calling this election a Republican MANDATE, it is still a point to make. We need to get rid of the electoral college because in this case as in the case of Al Gore in 2000, it does not reflect the will of the people, which means that technically this was not a democratic election. The electoral college is antiquated and it doesn’t work, and Paul Ryan can take that mandate and stick it up his ass. There is work being done here. For those of you that care, check this out – this is a BI-PARTISAN effort. http://www.democracynow.org/2016/11/8/beyond_the_electoral_college_a_state

The Other – I am embarrassed to be a white person in America right now. The fact that I am also a woman doesn’t matter because white women also turned out a majority vote for that man. I completely reject the fact that this is a problem of the liberal-elite urban class failing to recognize the struggles of the white working-class rural and ex-urban Americans. In fact, I think rural America fails to see the struggles of our diverse cities and fails to understand what being of color in this country truly means. Being white has bestowed upon them the greatest privilege that can be bestowed upon a person in this country. They did NOTHING to earn this privilege. Rural and ex-urban America has insulated itself from reality, whipped themselves into a frenzy of Rush Limbaugh, Fox News, and Breitbart hate, and now wants to point to black and brown people as being somehow responsible for their plight. This fear of the Other is not based in reality. There is no Other. There is only humanity. Regardless of color, we are all people with mothers and fathers, with capacity for love and kindness. We are all trying to achieve the same dream. The system rural, white America constantly votes for, and the billionaire they just elected isn’t going to do anything to help them or anyone else achieve this. He doesn’t give a shit about them. He’s a sociopath and a con, and he used their deepest and unfounded anxieties to elevate himself to the highest office in our nation. He is now the face of America, and the world is looking on us in pity. I hope someday white America realizes that all humans want the same things – we all want safety, security, and happiness – but we all need to come together to achieve those things, not point fingers at each other. I truly hope that we are better than this, but today I am not only embarrassed to be white, I am embarrassed to be an American.

Hate and the Media – This is the central theme of this election cycle. With the exception of NPR, I no longer have faith in the media in this country. When you put a profit motive on anything, you create impure incentives. When a 24-hour news cycle needs viewers and advertising dollars to justify itself, it will report on whatever sensationalist BS will get people to watch. It will subvert truth if truth doesn’t directly contribute to the bottom line. Sensationalism sells, and what is more sensationalist than hate? This hate environment has been created by the media sources I mention above; Fox News, Breitbart, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck (I don’t care how reformed he claims to be). They’ve spun lies and deceit to make Mexicans, Muslims, Barack Obama, whatever, ENEMIES. That man we elected, he just took advantage of this. As much as I blame those who created this environment, I also blame those who allowed it to exist in order to remain impartial. I blame CNN; I even blame MSNBC. The point of journalism is not to be impartial. The point of journalism is to deliver TRUTH to the PEOPLE. The media, all of them, allowed that train-wreck a stage, a voice, and didn’t do nearly enough to dispel his continuous stream of lies. Why? Because no one can take their eyes off a train-wreck, and if people are watching, then the media and all of their pundits make money. For the time being, I am only listening to NPR and comedy shows, which have somehow been BETTER at the news and truthiness (Guess what? Laughter also sells, and it’s a way better emotion).

I just read this article in Rolling Stone about hate in the media, and there was one thing I could take away from it. 1 – This hate breeds extreme anxiety and it is way more prevalent among conservatives, and 2 – It doesn’t matter who is in office because hate will continue to sell, it’s just going to find a new target. So, conservatives, your news outlet is just going to try and convince you to keep hating, they will try to keep you anxious, and therefore they will keep profiting off your misery. All you have to do is turn it off. The truth is out there in much easier to swallow formats. Please reject hate and reject hate-filled media. Make a friend who is Pakistani or Native American or Mexican. I am happy, and I feel like I am a better person in life because I am surrounded by such a strong, smart, and DIVERSE group of people. I think you can be too.

Religion and Hypocrites – That man also, by virtue of getting the white vote, also got the evangelical, Christian, and Catholic vote. I don’t understand the hypocrisy. I was raised Catholic. My grandfather was one of the kindest and most generous people I have ever known. One year, he told me he was voting Democrat in that year’s election. Now, for those of you who don’t know, this is mostly frowned upon because of, you know, ABORTION (true, but insert huge eye-roll here). He said he was doing so because he thought that Republicans weren’t doing enough to help the poor. Huh what a concept; that maybe one of his religion’s most central concepts – compassion – should be more important than abortion. I’m not saying abortion is not an issue or that people shouldn’t care about it. I’m just saying that when a person votes on a single issue, then they are simultaneously saying that all of the other issues don’t matter. In this case, sanctity of marriage, peace, love, tolerance, and brotherhood are all less important on that punch-ticket to heaven. Who is this Jesus character these Christians are talking about? Because, I’m pretty sure in my 12 years of Catholic schooling and in the model set by my grandfather that compassion was his number one thing. That man and his two Corinthians is an abomination against everything their (remind you, middle-eastern, Jewish) savior taught about love.

Voter Suppression – If the only way Republicans can win is via an electoral college, redistricting, and voter suppression, then they don’t deserve to win, and they don’t deserve to represent America. This is the first election without the full protection of the Voting Rights Act, the first election after 14 states passed restrictive measures to prevent people of color, young people, poor people (i.e. people that tend to vote Democrat) from voting. Guess how many of those states swung blood red in 2016? Yeah. All of them. I don’t care about the exact effect these measures had on the outcome of the election. It doesn’t matter. What matters is the intent, and the intent is to suppress the freedoms inherent in a supposed democratic society. These white lawmakers, again as if being born white isn’t enough of a privilege, are trying to make sure that black people still only count as if they were worth 3/5 a white person. STILL. In 2016. Also, if I hear one more thing about voter fraud, I will implode. It doesn’t exist. Again, it’s another fear whipped up by the rabid, right-wing conspiracy engine to justify white people being racist.

The real discussion needs to be around redistricting and how legislators with their crayons can create these insane maps that may look like some drunken clown’s version of Jackson Pollock. Really, these maps, with surgical precision, piece together individual voters into districts in order to dilute their voice among a larger majority. Historically, this has been done to dilute the voice of racial minorities, but really, with the large amounts of census data available, segregation can be accomplished on any metric – color, age, economic status. Both sides of the political aisle are guilty of this, but as technologies have advanced and more granular data have become available, the effects of redistricting have become most egregious recently with Republicans in charge. This needs to stop at all levels of government. I feel it is a very dangerous practice that will put into place a false and permanent majority in this country. Then no one’s voice will be heard.

Economics and Other Policy Choices – This election was never based on policy. 1 – Because that man is an idiot, and obviously has no idea how the government (the military, foreign policy, the economy, the Federal Reserve, taxes, immigration, a woman’s reproductive organs, and on and on) works, so he 2 – Took policy or any intelligent discussion out of the election in a sort of used-car-salesman, winking, smarmy manner, telling us to trust him before going back to hurling insults and spewing incoherent babble about how big league everything will be once he takes office. What does that even MEAN? Anyone who says they voted for that man based on economic discontent or policy, needs to understand that policy requires a little more thought than building a wall. At least it should go into how that wall will be built and paid for, really. Like, other than by Mexico. And there needs to be complete sentences. And he can’t use the word huge. He doesn’t HAVE ANY POLICIES. Therefore, I question anyone who says to have voted for him based on policy. A little inner reflection is necessary, because you could be as bigoted as he is, and you really voted for him because “Jews control the media!” or “Mexicans took my job!” or “Women belong in the kitchen!” or some other simplistic complaint that at the base of it just shows how ignorant your decision was and how dangerous for this country.

Women and Hillary Clinton – This is where I get the most upset. Let’s talk about Hillary first. Was she an ideal candidate? UGGGHHH. Don’t act like this matters. It doesn’t matter because she is a SHE. She was never going to be ideal (forget ideal, she wasn’t even going to be qualified enough) for white men (and apparently self-hating white women) because women are constantly being held to impossible standards. Hillary Clinton is THE MOST experienced candidate in the history of American elections. She is smart, she is hard-working, and she has the political chops to get stuff done. Does she have baggage? Yes. But it’s baggage that America has heaped upon her at every turn of her life in the public eye. She is the most scrutinized political figure ever to have run for president. First, because she’s been on the national stage for so long, but second, because she is a powerful, female figure and that scares the shit out of less-enlightened men. The establishment has heaped scandal on top of controversy on top of criticism on top of dog shit on this woman for her entire career. Whitewater, keeping her maiden name, hyphenating Rodham-Clinton, having brown hair, having long hair, being too involved in policy in her role as first lady (not being wifey enough), sticking by her husband after Lewinsky (being too wifey), the Clinton Foundation, Benghazi, not smiling enough, raising her voice, the FUCKING EMAILS. Basically, my take on it is if someone has been under the microscope for this fucking long, and the Republicans can STILL find nothing, it’s probably because, surprise, NOTHING IS THERE. They sure gave us a narrative, though, didn’t they? I’m not fooled. This was never about Hillary. This was about her being a smart, powerful woman, which apparently even in the 21st century is still a threat to American masculinity.

Who better to paint the black to the white than our current president elect? That slimy, disgusting, abuser of women – with his beauty pageants, and his mail-order brides, and three wives, and incestuous obsession with his daughter. This isn’t something I learned on election day, but this is something that will be one continuous slap in the face the next four years (even after that man is impeached, because let’s face it, his vice president is no better). That is this – men don’t think women matter, and more a slap in the face, Republican women don’t think women matter… And, even if I knew this before on some level, this election has told us that it is OK to feel that way. I’m so sick of this narrative. First, we shouldn’t try to achieve because we can’t, then we shouldn’t try to achieve because we shouldn’t (it’s not our place), then we shouldn’t try to achieve because our performance will be less, then when our performance is as good or better, we don’t get promoted or paid at the same rates. We are the weaker sex, we have delicate sensibilities, we are too emotional, we are defined by our bodies, all of it bullshit. The strongest people I know in life have been women, and that’s probably because we have to be stronger. We have to go to school, work, have babies, take care of our families, take care of our homes, and do it all with zero complaints and a pretty smile because God forbid we don’t know our place, like Hillary didn’t know hers. Half of this white country voted for him. That means that because I’m white, half of my family and then half of my white friends also voted for him. What does that mean about what they truly think of me? The white people I love – Do they think I’m less of a person? Do they not acknowledge my accomplishments? Are they dismissive of my brain? Do they think I’m less deserving of respect? Is my sister less deserving? Is my mom less deserving? From Hillary’s concession speech – “To all the little girls who are watching this: never doubt that you are valuable and powerful and deserving of every chance in the world to pursue your dreams.” I cry because this needs to be said at all, but I also cry because it doesn’t matter if I or the little girls believe it, it only matters if men believe it.

The Non-Voters – To those of you who declined to vote for President and especially to those of you who declined to vote at all, I am most angry at you. You have a duty as a citizen to educate yourself and to vote. America needed you, and you failed. Turnout this cycle was the lowest it’s been since the 1980s. If you’re going to come out and vote any time, it should be when there’s a sociopathic, fascist ape running. Don’t think you’re better for not having voted for that man when you also didn’t vote for Hillary. The fact that you think this was an exercise in intellectual futility because both sides were so equally weighted with experience, and brains, and fucking sanity that you just couldn’t choose means, to me, that you might as well have chosen him. Also, Gary Johnson is a fucking moron.

I’m going to spend the next few weeks figuring out what to do next. We know Hillary won the popular vote. We know that people are pissed. Now is the time to organize. I’m going to start by writing letters to every Democratic female in the Senate and in the House. Then, I am going to donate to Planned Parenthood. THEN, I am going to figure out how I can help bring us together because the oppressed in this country outnumber Republican white men. We are women, we are LGBT, we are Black Lives Matter, we are people of all colors, we are every spectrum of native and immigrant, and while we still have a voice, we can win. I will never forget how angry and sad I am. I will never get over this, and I will fight for what I think is the best thing about America – diversity, inclusion, and EQUAL OPTIONS in the pursuit of happiness.

In the meantime, I hope our elected Democrat representatives truly do represent us by doing everything in their power to shut this shit down. Obama was elected (with the popular vote) TWICE. Republicans worked in the darkest, most subversive corners of our broken system to thwart progress for EIGHT YEARS. They created the do-nothing Congress. Now, let’s make them try and do something. Let’s try to make them fight and scratch and claw for every concession, even it’s minor, and even if it is something we agree with. The system is broken, and isn’t going to be fixed until the pain is felt by both sides. Good luck with your wall, you fucking asshole.

Keep the anger, but always remember there are things to be happy about. Hell yeah, Tammy Duckworth!