50 Reasons Why I Love My Dog

OK, I’m going to start this post with the acknowledgement that I have TWO dogs. Yes, this post is just about one of the dogs (Sophie), and no, there aren’t going to be any subsequent posts about the other dog (Penny). I love both of these dorky dummies. I just happen to love Sophie more, so I am writing a post about her. I don’t feel bad about this. Any parents who tell you that they love all of their children equally are rotten liars. My sister and I have both accepted the fact that A.J. is my mother’s favorite and Michael is my father’s favorite. I’m no worse off as a person because of this, and Penny is no worse off as a dog – I still spend $30 per month on her doggy Xanax because apparently having nothing more to do than sleep and eat and chew yummy peanut butter bones and run around in a huge, grassy backyard is so high stress. So, whatever. Here is my post about why Sophie is the best dog ever.

1. Whenever I hit a sweet spot during one of her rub-downs, she squints her eyes and goes into this sort of hypno-sleep-state where she actually snores.
2. She is a total submissive, but she will defend her loved ones (or her food, in that case) if she needs to. She’s gotten the pink wounds on her nose to show it.
3. When she lies on her back, she will daintily cover her lady parts with her tail. 

   

   So dainty

4. Most of the time, except for when she doesn’t, and then she gives me a look like she doesn’t care what’s jangling around down there.
5. Between groomings, she develops little tufts of fur between her toes, which I can’t help but photograph and then post to Twitter, like anyone gives a crap.
6. During the winter, when she is growing her coat, she has these little tufts of downy fur on her rear knees, which have also been photographed and posted to Twitter.
7. She knows when I’m sad, and tries to make me feel better by putting her head in my lap.
8. EVERY TIME I sit down to put shoes or socks on, she backs into me to try to get me to rub her back right at the base of her tail. When I ignore her, she takes two steps forward then backs into me again.
9. I don’t know if this is because she is a Golden Retriever, but she makes everyone smile. I can’t walk her past someone without that person’s face at least showing a flicker of happiness.
10. Her smile is the biggest, most beautiful expression of pure joy. I wish I could be so happy.
11. She LOVES food, which makes her supremely easy to train, but this also means I’ve lost a lot of meals to her determination. Once, she snatched a whole block of cheese off the counter and then galloped around the house gulping it down as I chased her.
12. When I cook, I never have to clean up when I eventually drop, splatter, or spill something on the floor.
13. She’s brilliant, you can physically watch her learn and comprehend new commands.
14. She barks like any normal dog when she is trying to alert you to something (her barks being short and quick, like “HEY!” “HEY!” “HEY!”), but when she is trying to convey something more complicated, like agitation or hunger or potty time, she makes more complicated noises (some version of “Whoooooaaawwwooooowwwooooaaa.”
15. When she has a major yawn, she squeaks at the end.
16. She has the furriest of pants.
17. She knows when she needs to put on the cute face – I was sitting on my couch eating a steak I had just cooked for this one.

    

    Gimme somma dat steak

18. When she gets really excited, she goes on an insane tear, doing frenzied laps around the house or the yard.
19. She takes the leash in her mouth and walks herself.
20. When I pick her up at the kennel, she walks with the leash in her mouth up to everyone in the lobby because she knows it is adorable when she walks herself. Everyone always responds appropriately.
21. She is always excited to see me and wags herself into a frenzy when I walk in the door
22. When I leave, she gives me a look that lets me know she’s going to miss me (I’m sure she then takes the opportunity to scour every garbage can for all the used Kleenex she can eat, but still…).
23. In those ways and in others, she always lets me know I matter.
24. She chews on pinecones… I don’t know why I find this adorable, but I do.
25. Her breath stinks… I also don’t know why I find this adorable, but I do… I would think the pinecones would help.
26. She has this point on the tippy top of her head that just begs to be kissed.
27. She has the softest fur, probably from the stupid expensive diet I have to feed her because of her sensitive stomach, but it always surprises people how soft she is.
28. If she sees a bug on the wall, she will put on this act (and she knows I am watching her, so it is definitely an act) that it is just TORTUOUS to her that she can’t get this bug off the wall. She growls at it, she “Whoooooahahahhaoooooos!” at it, she screeches at me in these plaintive whines. There is nothing more important in the entire world than her needing to get that bug off the wall. I’ve recorded this performance before. The more I laugh, the more she throws herself into the tortured-doggy role. It will go on forever as long as I am paying attention.
29. She prances when she knows people are watching her, but she wants them to think she doesn’t know.
30. This one time, I was with her at a register paying for her bath, and she slowly lifted her head, slowly opened her mouth, and gently took a treat from a basket on the register counter, then slowly retreated to eat the treat – the WHOLE time maintaining eye contact with the woman behind the register. The woman burst out laughing, and I felt bad and asked how much to pay for the treat? The woman told me it was free of charge, just watching Sophie try to be sneaky made her day.
31. She gives the best snuffs – I’m assuming that dog people know what this is, but I’m also fairly certain I made this word up… When she greets people and can get close enough to their face in her greeting, she will simultaneously kiss and snort in the person’s ear. Snuffs.
32. Her boundless capability for love. She LOVES everyone.
33. But she especially loves me. Like the cheesy line in “As Good As It Gets,” she makes me want to be a better person, like I am unworthy of such an amazing dog, friend, love.
34. In the day or so after being groomed, she appears as a fluffed-up version of herself, like she was teased-up and hair-sprayed. Her tail looks like a massive, fluffy fan.
35. When she is done with her business, she spastically jerks her hind legs behind her, first one and then the other. I know she is trying to kick dirt or grass over her poop like all dogs do, but she is just kicking air looking like some degenerate doggy Rockette.
36. She closes her eyes when she chews on a bone, as if in intense concentration.
37. Whenever she is sitting, facing away from me, every so often she’ll throw her head backwards to make sure I’m still there or to indicate I haven’t been petting her enough. So, she’s looking at me upside down, and her cheeks are all flapped open so I can see her teeth and her gums. It’s the silliest most adorable smile ever.
38. When she goes outside in the rain and gets all sogged, she’ll come back in and know she’s not supposed to get on the furniture, but every time she makes me feel guilty about it.

    

    Soggy

39. She gets jealous whenever I give too much attention to Penny, and she’ll insert herself between the two of us.
40. When I got her as a puppy, I could hold her with one hand. She was tiny. She still thinks she’s tiny and always tries to sit on my lap, which I will tolerate for a short time because no one likes to be told they’re not tiny. Here’s her being not-so-tiny.

    

    She doesn't QUITE fit on that bed

41. As a puppy, she would gorge herself on puppy food, and then fall asleep on her back, with her paws over her eyes. Her rounded belly would rise and fall with her sweet puppy breaths.
42. Whenever I am mean to her because I am stressed or angry or due to her naughtiness, she waits me out. She will sit on her doggy bed and look at me until she knows I am calmed down. She then comes over to me in what seems the exact moment when I feel a wash of remorse for my stupid, human behavior and we hug it out.
43. She skips around in this tight little circle while I am filling up their food bowls, like she is simultaneously starving and about ready to get the best meal she’s ever had – which makes me feel pretty good considering I spend $60 on every bag of her dog food.
44. She is starting to get the white fur of age around her muzzle and her eyes, which makes me love her so much it hurts because it reminds me I’m not going to have her forever.
45. I have to clean out her ears once a week, which she HATES. However, she grudgingly obliges after FIRST showing me how much she hates it by trying to burrow her head under her paws, my leg, the covers, etc…
46. After the deed is done however, she will immediately bound out of the room and go stand by the pantry door to wait for a treat.
47. Since I live by myself, she has to be my hero. The bugs in the south are ridiculous. Whenever I see one of those disgusting palmetto bugs, I screech like a small child, and Soph will spring into action. She’ll grab it in her mouth and run to the back door, which I open for her. She then tosses the nasty-ass bug somewhere in the backyard and trots back inside.
48. Her first time at the ocean, she didn’t know what to do. She’d been in freshwater before, but never in water that moves so much and makes so much noise. She spent the entire day jumping over the waves as they hit the beach, but never actually going in the water. She was way more fascinated with hermit crabs, which I had to work to keep her away from so she didn’t get a claw to the nose.
49. Her favorite activity is sitting on the couch watching movies.
50. I’ve never loved anything as much as I love this dog, and I still feel like I don’t deserve her. She brings so much happiness to my life that I can’t imagine ever being without her, and I can’t fathom why I never had a dog before her. It’s scary to love something this much, to feel actual pangs of sickness just thinking about her ever being injured or hurt in any way. She’s also taught me that that’s OK because life is better with that kind of love especially when it is directed towards something so deserving. 

Sophie Mo-Mo Marie, you are the best, and you are about ready to get the best rub-down of your life, so be prepared to start snoring your ass off.